9:59 AM :: Stephen (contact)

This Just In: "Godfather of Soul" James Brown has been appointed "secretary of soul and foreign minister of funk" by Secretary of State Colin Powell. The move was announced at a Dec. 6 dinner for winners of the annual Kennedy Center Honors.

Brown's appointment, however, must still be approved by the Parliament Funkadelic, which has been riven by disputes between the Get-Uplicans and the Get-Downocrats. Brown has made no secret of his party affiliation, repeatedly calling on Americans to "get up, get on up" and adding that he wanted to "get up and do my thing... Movin', doin' it, you know." There is no report of whether a Downocratic filibuster is in the works, but prominent Downocrats Kool & The Gang have suggested a compromise plan to "get up with the get down."

President George Clinton praised the prospective appointment for his "Supergroovalisticprosifunkstication," and said that the Parliament should "Give the people what they want / When they want / And they wants it all the time."

He then departed on the Mothership for an intergalactic love summit.